Shades of Leadership

DIY Leadership

Does anyone out there remember “Dress for Success”?  Back in the early 80’s, someone got the idea to tell people – especially women – how to dress to be successful.  We were told to “dress like the boss” which back then was code for “look like a man”.  So a generation of women went out and bought Hart Schaffner Marx navy blue pinstripe suits, cotton oxford shirts, and little bows that we tied around our neck so that we could somehow miraculously look like a guy when we went to work, and therefore get promoted.

As ridiculous as that seems today, it’s indicative of the problem that some people still have when they give advice on how to lead.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be aware of an “acceptable norm of behavior”, but whether you’re running a company, teaching a class, or raising funds for a charity, the most effective leaders are those who are authentic and original.

I’m a real advocate of “Do-It-Yourself Leadership”.  Until we are comfortable developing our own style of how we lead and inspire, we’re merely playing roles, and pretending to act like someone we aspire to be, rather than someone we already are.  Some of the advantages of “DIY Leadership” include:

• Recognizes the inherent weakness of “one size fits all” style
• Comes naturally and feels comfortable
• Plays to your strengths and forces you to complement yourself with people who have other skills
• Creates your personal brand

Think about the leaders you have most admired.  They’re genuine.  They’re natural.  They seem to lead effortlessly.  That’s because they’re just being themselves, and not trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.

Every one of us brings something unique to the table.  How we think, how we listen, and how we communicate are all based on the experiences we’ve had and people we’ve met.  As a result, if we’re able to bring all of ourselves to work every day, the organization stands to gain the most.  Many management processes today systematically engineer the individuality out of leaders.  It’s not to say common processes aren’t needed, for without them we might not get anything done.  But we need to be careful not to leave too much of ourselves at the door every day.  Allowing ourselves to bring all of our talents, our skills, and our “uniqueness” every day makes the workplace more interesting and more effective.

 

Leadership Through Parenting

Contrary to what is often written and reported in today’s mass media, I don’t think that raising good kids today is as impossible as everyone says it is. In spite of how much more complicated the world seems to be, the key to being a good parent is what it always has been.  It doesn’t take more money, fancier gizmos, or better psychological counseling.  Although we have so many more resources today – internet access to information, childcare options, more discretionary income for extracurricular activities, those things are actually ancillary.  I don’t think there is a thing in the world that can replace the most important role of parenting -- spending time with our kids. Knowing our kids and guiding their decisions is paramount to giving them the tools to become successful. 

As I reflect on my own childhood the best memories of my parents revolve around conversations.  We didn’t have a lot of money, although I never felt we were poor.  The thing I remember most was the time I spent with my parents – sharing experiences, hearing their stories, asking them for advice, and learning lessons (some painful).    I knew when I’d be in trouble because I knew what was expected of me.  My parents weren’t ever afraid of saying “no” when other parents said “yes”.  They were always quick to explain why our family was “different” and that it was okay.  As I grew older, I knew they trusted me to make decisions, but fully understood that if I made a mistake, I’d have to deal with consequences. I never questioned their love, or whether they’d be there for me.  I always knew they’d be my biggest life cheerleaders.

So as we started raising our two kids, my husband and I followed the role models we had.  We told the kids when they were young that as soon as they realized God didn’t bless them with the nicest parents in the world, we’d get along just fine.  They didn’t get a cell phone until they had after school activities and needed to call us.  It didn’t matter if all their friends had them.  Our daughter was deprived of a personal laptop until she went to college.  After all, we had computers at home – in public parts of the house – so that homework, internet surfing and social media time could be spent in plain view of parents.  They didn’t (and still don’t) have televisions in their rooms.  Every other bedroom in the house has a TV – just not the kids’ rooms.  Home is about family, and about being together. We try as best we can to spend time with them.  Our kids are turning out pretty well.  They’re socially well-adjusted, carry good grades, seem well-rounded, and hang around the right kind of kids.  We share, we talk, we confide, and genuinely enjoy being together.  Sure there are moody teenager days – but overall, I feel as though our kids know that we are, as our parents were for us, their biggest life cheerleaders.

Research gives empirical evidence of the importance of spending time together. I serve on a board with Joe Califano, who heads up The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. The organization has done extensive studies on the causes of teen alcohol and drug abuse.  After a great deal of research looking at possible contributing factors, one of the most enlightening findings is that those teenagers who share a regular meal with their family once a week are less likely to resort to drugs and alcohol during their teenage years.  Surprise.  Spending time with your kids increases the likelihood that they’ll turn out good.

The word “parent” is a noun.  It’s also a verb.  Active parenting isn’t hard…it just takes effort and dedication.  It also takes a willingness to put our own needs behind those of our kids. We have to be willing to hit the “pause” button on our own lives so that our kids get the guidance and support they need.  Without us, they find it somewhere else – and we in essence abdicate our most important role.

How we lead our children is vital to the future prosperity of the world.  Think about it.  Most of the problems in the world can be solved by how we raise the next generation of kids.  Dare I say that parenting is the most important leadership role that we have!

 

 

Mentoring Future Leaders

In each of our lives, we can look back and think about people who have shown us the way.  It might have been a parent, a teacher, a pastor, a coach, a colleague at work, or even a stranger who passed through our lives for a brief moment.  There are those who have left an indelible mark on what we believe and how we behave, and for whom we are ever so grateful.  The role that mentors play in our lives – whether it’s formal or informal – is profound. 

One of the most important things to do as we move up the ladder is to remember to turn around and help someone else up.  Leaders who share are the most effective because they instill a sense of trust and selflessness that is essential in developing leaders of the future.

There are many vehicles you can use to find opportunities to mentor others.  In the workplace, there are formal and informal mentoring programs that might exist in your company.  In my experience, the informal ones work best – but sometimes it takes a formal program to get it started.  Mentors and mentees will naturally gravitate to a sustainable professional relationship if the chemistry is right.  Mentors will often choose mentees who resemble themselves in the early part of their career.  Others will see glimmers of excellence in those who come from totally different backgrounds, and choose to spend time nurturing those traits.  Regardless of how they emerge, mentoring relationships are mutually beneficial as they grow both individuals into better listeners, broaden their worlds, and provide an opportunity for professional development and skill enhancement.

Outside of the workplace, there are numerous opportunities to mentor young people.  You might spot a kid at church, a friend of one of your children at school, or through a not-for-profit organization where you volunteer. There are many young people today who lack healthy adult role models to provide guidance.  Spending time through conversation, working together on community projects, and volunteer tutoring on academic subjects are all great ways to let someone know you care about their future.

The true legacy of what we leave behind is not just about what we accomplish, but about how we enable others to achieve their own success.  There’s nothing more rewarding than helping someone else realize a dream – or take a few steps closer in doing so.  Take some time this week to thank someone who helped you along the way, and continue the cycle of reaching out to someone else!