With the passing of Whitney Houston, the world loses another individual whose capacity for greatness was only exceeded by the inability of being able to handle it. Few entertainers showed as much initial promise in their early years, and fewer still managed to lose it from their grasp so quickly.
As parents, we spend a great deal of time protecting our children from getting hurt in their early years. As they get older and experience inevitable setbacks, we invest time talking with them about the important lessons that come from not getting what they want, and teach them to look for the silver lining when things don’t go their way. But perhaps the lessons that come from stories like Whitney Houston are evidence that as importantly, we need to prepare our children for the challenges that often accompany success.
Too often the focus is only on winning and becoming successful. We hail the victors of sports contests and celebrate the accomplishments of entertaining sensations. We applaud the Nobel laureates and idolize pop culture icons. But with each success story, a parallel universe exists to exploit our “heroes” and tempt them into a life that is not sustainable. Often these individuals are poorly equipped to handle the success, because everyone around them is so excited about the rewards that no one warns them about the landmines.
Public success results in three outcomes that have both a positive and negative side: Money, fame, and people. Money that comes too quickly is hard to correlate and value. Too much fame may cause one to think they’re infallible. And of course, success can attract a population of people who prey on the vulnerabilities of newly made stars. The extent to which an individual is prepared to manage these three variables is critical to whether they can create a lifestyle guided by values and humility, and see beyond the superficial trappings of stardom.
So what advice can we give to our children so that they are as prepared for success as they are for setbacks? Here are some suggestions for starters:
- Keep it real. Sometimes you win because you’ve worked hard; sometimes because you’re lucky. Most often, it’s a combination of both. Don’t lose sight of what factors contributed to your success, and the people who helped make it possible.
- Know your friends. New “friends” are bound to come out of the woodwork, and it’s not to say they’re all opportunists, but keep your eyes open for whether they’re genuine. If your best old friends don’t return your phone calls, do a reality check on whether you’re keeping it real. Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth, not what they think you want to hear.
- Be prepared for things to go wrong. And when they do, don’t resort to quick and artificial fixes. For someone with money, there are endless ways to anesthetize one from pain and discouragement. But none of those make you stronger. Deal with disappointment straight on, and move through the difficult times.
- Hold fast to your values and manners. You know…the ones you were taught when you were about six. The difference between right and wrong, and remembering to say “thank you”. Always listen for your mother’s voice in the background.
- Instill the sense of a wider community. Success is best when it’s shared, and when it provides others opportunities to realize their dreams. Remember that it’s not just a matter of whether you succeed, but whether the world’s a better place because of it.
The landscape is littered with names like Whitney Houston, who rocketed to stardom at an early age. Very few achieved the incredible success that she did so quickly. Somewhere along the way, she and those around her lost sight of how to make the right decisions. Albert Einstein once said, “Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value”. When success early in life is not managed properly, and an incredible life is cut short, the world can never truly realize the value of what an individual can bring.
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