The recent news about the Harrison Butker commencement speech at Benedictine College has caused an uproar in the popular press. My inbox has been blowing up from people who know me as an avid Chiefs fan and a professional woman, asking me how incensed I must be that “Butker is telling women to stay home”, and that he was “boo’d by the audience”. I have to admit I got on the “WTF Harrison Butker” bandwagon for a few days, but this morning decided to listen to the speech in its entirety, and here are my takeaways on the topic of women:
- A very small portion of his comments were on the topic of women and their responsibilities/choices; most were comments on the role of leaders and the role of the church.
- He does not “attack working women” as headlines state.
- He does state that in addition to thinking about their careers and promotions, most women are probably looking forward to marriage, kids, and family.
- He pays emotional tribute to his wife who chose to be a homemaker after getting her college degree.
- There were a few boos, but far more applause after he spoke of his wife.
Harrison Butker is very open about being a conservative Catholic (attends only Latin mass), so I was certainly not surprised that he made very conservative comments to an audience of a very conservative campus. I’m not going to debate positions on every topic he mentioned in his address (I’m not Catholic so certainly can’t comment on the division in that faith on political issues of the day).
As this is a blog on leadership, I’m choosing to share my thoughts on the leadership, or lack thereof, in the field of journalism in reporting and writing headlines, and the biases those continue to fuel regarding the choices women have.
The press vitriol regarding the Chiefs’ HOF kicker demonstrates the desire for today’s media to fuel a divided nation by misrepresenting and lying about what public figures say. They count on social media addicts, who only read headlines, to push these lies further, fueling division, hate ,and disdain. More importantly, the false media headlines further ossify a dangerous bias in our society, that if a woman enjoys being a mom and wife that we must not be committed to a professional career.
Shortly after we got married and moved into our first home, Joel and I attended a neighborhood party. I was speaking with a woman who was probably in her 50’s then, who asked about what we did. I told her my husband and I had just started our careers…he as an engineer for a Chicago consulting firm, and me as a salesperson for Amoco. She seemed intrigued and asked me how long I planned to work. I told her I was hoping it would be a fruitful career. She then made the bold statement, “Well, women like you don’t deserve to have children.”
Wow.
That was my first introduction into the “either/or” mentality of what women should be able to do.
Similarly, as I began my career, I came across people in the business world who believed in the popular 80’s narrative of Mommy Track which believed that working women who chose to have kids should be put on a slower track at work because of their commitment to family.
Wow again.
(Ironically, “Daddy track” seemed to be an accelerated career path as men who weren’t married at the time were not considered as stable and committed to their careers.)
I know many women who have achieved a great deal of success both at the office and in their homes. When we get together, we speak about our professional challenges in the workplace as well as what we are cooking for Thanksgiving! We ask one another about our kids and grandkids and are excited about mutual professional promotions and appointments, and doors we can open for professionals – both men and women. I would say that to a person, each of us gives credit to the supportive spouse and/or family that has helped along the journey, and privately we can cite many personal sacrifices made and risks taken to achieve our current lives. We share in our concerns that although progress has been made for women in the workplace, there are still many biases, conscious and unconscious, that we must continue to fight. I believe our society needs both men and women in the professional workplace, but that does not excuse us from being fully engaged parents at home.
Since when did we decide our personal choices on how we live our lives need to pass the scrutiny of popular press? Why do we allow the media to dictate that women should only choose one path when we’ve never held men to that same standard? It's not an either/or. It's a "what and how". What a woman chooses to do should be her choice. What a couple chooses to do should be their choice. My role as a professional woman and experienced mother is to help create options so that people can make those choices and have opportunities to succeed on the paths they choose.
As I now watch my two children start their families and careers, these are the kinds of conversations they must have with their spouses. I’m thrilled to know they are making these decisions together, and mutually supportive as they choose the path is best for them. There isn’t a right or wrong answer. They only thing that matters is that they contribute to society through their professional choices and how they raise the next generation.
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